The Wages of Fear

This crisis is more difficult than anything I’ve faced professionally in my entire life. It makes me realize how fortunate I was for my first 20 work years–how protected and insulated from the business cycle I was.

As I began my work career in 1984 for GTE, I envisioned, like the preceding generation, that I would eventually retire from that company. “You are the future leaders of GTE,” managers told the group of new hires into their management-training program, and I believed it. I even felt that someday I could be CEO of GTE.

Six years later, I left, entranced by the possibility of a startup. I loved the small team size, the direct connection between my performance and the company’s results. We had all-employee meetings standing up in the lab.

Less than two years later, it was apparent that the dream of riches wasn’t to be (a good lesson; I didn’t realize then how rarely startup dreams convert into riches).

Next step was EDS, a gigantic company, though I was in a remote outpost (Boston) which made working for a mammoth corporation much more palatable. The work concerned cellular telephony. (At the time, handsets were called “bricks,” and were nearly as heavy. They cost $1000.) The industry grew so quickly that there was plenty of new business for all comers. I was in marketing now, product management, where I developed my love for launching new products. I made lots of mistakes there, and I learned a ton, eventually developing a specialty helping salespeople structure, price and communicate complex outsourcing deals.

But in 1997 EDS started to retrench in telecom, and I had spent enough time in Boston. I moved to Atlanta, had a brief cup of coffee with Alltel (that’s another story) which I will cherish forever because I met my wife there, and was recruited to join LHS, an IPO wonder story.

LHS was a crazy place, full of conflicts, overcommitted, with everyone checking the stock price on Yahoo five times a day. I loved it. I managed alliances with Airtouch, Logica and others. I helped close some important deals and learned about the give and take required to create and sustain a successful alliance–as well as lots of lessons about what not to do.

Then LHS was sold, and the buyer offered me a lame marketing position. Not for me. My wife and I were looking to move north, closer to relatives, when a job opening came up at a telecom billing provider near Harrisburg, PA. It was a chance to report to a CEO, be a part owner of a company, and get pretty close to the top (as close, I learned, as I wanted to get).

Of course, this was in 2000. The tech bubble had burst, and all the telecom growth projections that had proven conservative in prior years were insanely optimistic now. We struggled to grow (not fun for the VP of Sales & Marketing), but worked hard to keep our most important customers and bring on important new ones.

But like lots of companies you read about now, we were overleveraged. The loans came due, and we couldn’t refinance. We were sold, and there wasn’t a great fit between me and the new owners.

I went out on my own, which was difficult, then as I started to get a foothold, all this shit happened in the summer of 2008, which we’re still living with.

So here we are. I wouldn’t want to go back. I love what I do now. But I do miss how easy it was in the old days. I can’t decide if this is an anomalous situation or whether 1984-2000 was the anomaly. Perhaps they both are.

I started this post to make a point, but I honestly can’t remember it now. I’d rather teach and share than vent or complain. We’ll make it through this era, and someday we’ll look back on this as the greatest life lesson we ever learned. But at the moment I’m ready for the lesson to end.

Please consider sharing your feelings in the comments.

N.B.: Each company I mention in this post has been merged out of independent existence. One, LHS, re-emerged as a standalone company.

(”The Wages of Fear” is a 1953 French movie.)

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  • John, Thanks for sharing that. I appreciate your honesty. I have had a similarly interesting ride- one that I never would have predicted in the optimistic days of my twenties and early thirties. But it has made me focus on what's really important. Thanks again.

  • Bill Rogers
    Thanks John for sharing your thoughts and candor on the crisis situation.

    I can relate to John's historical perspective on the telecommunications industry since I was also riding the various waves of the good times and toughing out the rough moments in the industry. I met John and worked very well with him when we were both at EDS.

    I had some tremendous start up experiences, worked in large complex organizations where I learned a lot about people and business, met some fantastic people along the way, and got to see and experience geographic parts of the world that many people would not. For all of this I am grateful.

    These are certainly interesting times we are living in and many industry veterans like myself have the experience, perspective, and intestinal fortitude to work through whatever is being thrown at us. Granted, it is not fun going through some of these challenges and not encouraging if you follow the news these days, but the best advice I can give is to focus on those things that you can control, appreciate the simpler things in life like family, good health, and keep close to friends and business associates that can reinforce a positive attitude.

    I have come to the conclusion that my generation has had it good from 1984 to 2000, and since 9-11 we have been declining economically and are now facing the music for the many years of greed, corruption, and unaccountability that has hallmarked business ethics. I still have faith in the human race and believe that we will emerge from this mess, scathed but a lot more resilient and more appreciative.

    There is an old English saying "The worthiness of a ship is not in calm harbors". We are definitely not in calm harbors and it is in times like this that the both the goodness in people and the very worst in people manifest in their actions. Good examples of best behavior are some cafes that are allowing people to pay what they can afford for their food and examples of bad behavior are the marked increase in crime rates in just about every major city.

    I too am ready for the lesson to end, but we need to keep things in perspective and come to terms that we will get through this uncomfortable period. The recovery may not ever emerge to the lofty levels of the past that we experienced and now miss. This is OK as long as we are prepared to make due with less.

    I can only keep moving forward and use the past as reference for experience.
  • John Hettish
    Tend to forget that we've worked in so many of the same places and so many similar companies. My mindset has slowly but very surely evolved to appreciating what we used to have, deep gratitude for what we have now, and sadness over what seems to be slipping away. There just seems to be a gathering storm of political, economic and societal trends that point to the inevitability of your second conclusion. That being said - I'll never believe that I was put here to "mail it in", and so I forge on. Happy to have great family, good health (for now), loyal friends and a couple of ever-needy dogs. All of that plus the Steelers & Penguins on top of their respective worlds - what more could a slow 2-guard from Punxsutawney ask for? It's all good!
  • sea
    John, I just wanted to say that I am a devoted reader of your blog. Your posts strike me as fearless, thoughtful, and thought provoking. A rare combination, and one that I trust will move you through these challenging times.

    I've seen 10 business card logos in the past 13 years. And that first job? I thought I was going to retire there! Imagine. ;) So, yes, I can relate to what you're saying. Most of us can. So thank you for telling your story publicly, so that we can all feel just a wee bit less alone. :)

    Best wishes to you...
  • You should talk about this at the New Tech Meetup, it's the kind of stuff I think would add interest between techy demos.
  • Good idea, Brent. I won't be at the meetup this month; if things haven't
    changed by August, perhaps I can talk about it then!
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